Passes through the marital bog place

Mai Xiaoqin, "the Beijing Youths Report" reporter. As Beijing at present most influential daily paper reporter, her achievement feeling and the newspaper industry competition huge pressure has the direct ratio. Originally, Mai Xiaoqin working pressure may be able to relax in family this warm harbor, but she actually let the sentiment in one kind of unusual enticement "smuggling", caused boat of the love nearly to reach a deadlock.... ... ... ...It is well known, as a result of the newspaper industry steep competition and the quick news distinctive quality, nearly does not have to make the edition, reporter's person in the newspaper, has leisure that kind of love affair, and spouse's very affectionate day. I like the man every day equally hurriedly, shuttles back and forth to the national capital main street and small alley, evening 10 o'clock goes home catches up with the draft, before dawn 34 o'clock sleep, to me said are similar to the daily family activity plain meal. I and Zhao Congbing married for 4 years, he in the national Political Consultative Conference work, was an ordinary official. He is not the man which that kind , but he tenacious, lives simply but also is self-confident. Every day faces my not in the least rule the life and the for no reason exuberant anger, Zhao Congbing the not in the least complaint, he devotedly is arranging the housework, is building the comfortable family atmosphere for me. When I am unable to withstand the work heavy burden train of thought alienation, he always comforts me: "Each profession all has its worried, dear, persists." In December, 2001, one after another some one batch the scientific researcher which studies abroad from US, has done some biological preparations aspects projects in the Beijing science and technology garden area. At that time the newspaper office has sent me and several reporters goes to make this selected topic. As soon as links several day-long interviews, the visit, the reorganization material, exceptionally does me to be exhausted. That day, I fight bravely for 72 hours, wrote about to study abroad repatriates the side which the personnel starts an undertaking to have the depth the report, actually because of the temporary expansion ad page, was reduced most, my mood was depressed extremely. Evening 7 o'clock, come out after the newspaper office, I sadly pace back and forth on the street, the alone feeling blots out the sky. By now, my just walked in front of the bar gate which glittered to neon. Because the bar facade is not big, the semblance is very warm, therefore, I rashly walked. Just sat well, had an elegant delicate young fellow to arrive nearby my body. Looked his makings are quite mature, I suspected possibly is in shop or the gang foreman. He smiles was saying to me that, "Young lady, you are good, is the first presence, likes listening to the steel qin tune?" My mechanical place nod. His manner sincere, in the sound has that kind to yearn for the female kind and dynamics, he said: "We can for the visitor which first time patronizes, a free ball visitor likes steel qin tune... ... Likes you such attractive young lady in particular." I have felt immediately a little extremely flattered, had thought the moment, speaks thoughtlessly: "On ball" 1,000 Reasons "." The young fellow smiles very much brightly, turns around to retreat. When nearby the piano that elegant girl delicate fingers fly move, "1,000 Reasons" this exquisite music lingers the maneuver when the bar, my move and is infatuated with reveals in speech and appearance. This time, usually these crabbed writing, the leadership nitpicked the vision, lost sleep every night brings despairs has not all had the trace. Right I immerse when the music, that sunlight bright young fellow arrives nearby my body. I suddenly had a kind of inexplicable favorable impression to him, but he is introduces oneself on own initiative: "I call the Arab League idea, boss's younger male cousin, my general evening is all right plays, also helps the older female cousin to look after thrives." I hint him to sit down chat, he hesitated, that kind amiably one kind has the education for me and has the discretion the feeling. From chats, I knew he comes Beijing from Wuxi to work, daytime makes the servicing in the website, evening soaks in older female cousin's bar and the visitor plays. He happy said that, "Soaks daily, a cent money is not colored, very many people all envy me." Childish vindicating, unexpectedly let me a little like him... ... When I before dawn two wrench or twist open in the family the door lock, the Arab League idea breath also closely is coercing me. Facing Zhao Congbing the sumptuous midnight snack which prepares for me, I unintentionally savor, only said the sound "temporarily has traded an article a moment ago, writes a manuscript in the unit" to the end rests. Zhao Congbing knew that, our newspaper is the early morning publishes the publication, night works overtime is the routine matter, therefore he has not closely examined any. When second days go to work, the strange matter has occurred, I make any matter all am am ecstatic the appearance which, the mood surges upward, the Arab League idea that happy expression graceful facial cast, always at present is rocking, motions a person to not go. I am a married woman after all, Arab League idea empirical ego 3 years old, therefore, I embarrassed contact him on own initiative. How do right I hesitate am looking when a frank and upright reason approaches him, the Arab League idea on own initiative has come the telephone: "The dawn qin, tonight comes to play, I want to nod the song for you, that is my heart tune." Such straightforward also makes the words which one palpitates with excitement eager, happen to saw eye to eye I to long for the warm heart, thereupon, evening I once more patronized this family was called "the nightingale" the bar. But, came and I except has said the sound hello, after and helped me to take cup of drink, the Arab League idea has not appeared, I some terrified and was disappointed. In order to conceal awkwardly, above my table small wall lamp, revised a manuscript. Half after the about hour, a form suddenly dodges to mine opposite quietly sits down, unexpectedly is the Arab League idea! A his correct use pair of affectionate eye is staring at I, pants for breath said: "The website machine had a problem, temporary working overtime." Looks he fluctuates the chest, I knew he certainly runs is coming. Instantaneous, I am stirred up by one kind of inexplicable fervor am unable to restrain oneself. I incur come, without hesitation place big pile of and price not Philippines's between-meal snack, Arab League idea then some shock looks at me. He did not know, laboriously despairs in me, the husband although has assumed full responsibility the complete housework, but in his unusual spoken language tender feeling and comforts. The possible woman is such vanity, facing family member silently paying, she does not meet consciousness; But a stranger boiling hot vindicating, actually lets her blood boiling. By now, Arab League counts to the ball piano girl side, with her whisper several, in the bar has resounded immediately that to be soul-stirring "Tear To sprinkle Heaven". In the sounds of nature melodious music sound, I have remembered these pure ages and initially to the happy expectation... ... Now, I am happy? 三十而立, still did not dare to want the child, feared is eliminated by the newspaper office; Every day equally rapidly revolves like the top, busily enjoys the life. I have warm fertile soil, but side certainly not the big tree which covers the wind and rain for me... ... I more want to be sadder, unexpectedly puts flows off the tear. The Arab League idea has suddenly gripped my hand, sigh with emotion said: "I most feared the woman cries, it lets me see own incompetent." That moment, I do not have any reason, instantaneous has fallen in love with the Arab League idea, only pricks the marrow for his that kind sincere vindicating and is fond of the sentiment, he satisfied that kind which my moral nature intensely earnestly sought to show loving concern and to comfort. Late at night 12 o'clock, the Arab League idea braves the bone-chilling cold cold wind to deliver me to go home. On a road, our cordiality is continuous, is loath to part from each other. He probes is asking me, whether re-entry bar, because of his housing on in bar rear court. I always am persevering me am married woman's faith, painfully shook the head denied. But in the home entrance with the Arab League scoring another time, in his eye reveals is disappointed and the lonely thorn my pain is hard to take, my firm defense line finally collapsed, I and the Arab League idea closely hug in together, ten figures all deep deeply insert in opposite party flesh, we did not want to have a quarter separation again... ... From this, the Arab League idea can on mine beeper the message, not have the boiling hot spoken language every day, only has the tender feeling the concern. I liked hit to be same, if one day not to receive the message, could be absentminded uneasy whether sitting or standing. I one am every day busy the interview to write a manuscript the matter, runs "the nightingale" the bar to soak with the Arab League idea in the same place. I give the Arab League idea takes away very interviews when I T industry customer them to give my gift, likes the portable computer, electron clock, the commerce passes and so on, but the Arab League idea has selected the song for me which the very full of affection profound meaning cuts. We sing, drink , play the dart... ... Certainly these drink the large amount expense all is I pulls out, because I have obtained warm and the hope from the Arab League idea body, I do not have the reason to let him be awkward. The at that time, periphery all people all felt me to immerse in happiness making widely known with the vigorous vitality, Zhao Congbing also was only kept in the dark. Smuggling sentiment greatly in vain to world, source to mine being pregnant. Because discussed with Zhao Congbing waits for two years to want the child again, therefore we continuously take the contraceptive measure. Is intimate after the Arab League idea, because is flushed by the fervor fainted the brains, some 12 we have taken the danger, the for a while impulse, unexpectedly let me be pregnant. That day afternoon, I dial in the home pass the Arab League idea the handset, the preparation tell him this news. Actually, I had not counted on lets him marry me, be responsible for me or pledged waited for me in 1000 and so on the impractical procedure, I knew, our love was only the life one kind of embellishment, I only was want to hear to a he like in the past comfort and am take pity on. But, after I tell Arab League idea this news, with mine judgement just right opposite, his sound is low-spirited, spookily said: "How manages? I have not ever bumped into this kind of matter." When my mood is low, he all knew said gladden the heart the speech, now, I have been with his child, he actually asked how I do manage. My chaotic square inch, helplessly looks immediately a sly soul starts to tear away his camouflage, reveals the real appearance, my nerve quality of material asks him: "The Arab League idea, how did you like have changed individual?" He somewhat makes excuses said that, "The recent mood not too was good, works had a problem." When heard I had to go when recently several days the hospital relation underwent the surgery, the Arab League idea hesitation asks me: "Needs me to accompany you to go?" I falsely have been suddenly enraged by him, my hysteria crazily shouted: "You select the song for me, accept time my portable computer, hasn't hesitated why ? ... ... " A while, the Arab League idea is only unbearable my anger, timidly timidly hung broke the telephone. My going crazy falls the telephone on the place, that sound is earthshaking, I by the huge pain, the deceit, am moved struck Fu Chuangtong to cry... ... Did not know how long has cried, Zhao Congbing suddenly grasped me, I has frightened the squawk to call out in alarm. Because I cry to die by heartbreak, pitch-dark, unexpectedly did not know when Zhao Congbing is does go home. He has obviously understood clearly any, the pale face is not saying a word. That moment, I frailly to extremely, unexpectedly put sob in his cry. That weeping sound, greatly pays based on the emotion with instantaneous loses, also suddenly eruption which causes based on the usual working pressure agglomeration. I leave and the Arab League idea sentimental entire cake tray, certainly has not told the matter which he is pregnant. I like a believer to be same, is making the confession facing the God, I must let Zhao Congbing know the psychology which a woman which is frail, cannot withstand the work heavy pressure and needs to be favored... ... Sadly pours out in me, Zhao Congbing always closely hugs me to keep mouth shut. When I suddenly felt when an on piece icy cold, is fierce as soon as gains ground, only then detected Zhao Congbing is hanging Man Lian tears, is looking outside the window with the tragic look. After three days, I quietly went to the hospital to make the stream of people. On the obstetric table, my whole body is trembling, feels the human body knife to shear the axe cutting ache. As soon as thought perhaps this very moment, the Arab League idea surface belt reverent smile, in the bar free is selecting the love song for other female guest person, when is receiving the gift which the others grants, my innermost feelings go crazy on the pain, I was impetuous and the vanity to the oneself heart's core thoroughly engage in introspection. From this time on, after gets off work every day, I all push all nonessential treating with courtesy, hurries back the family to snatch is doing the housework, wants to let Zhao Congbing be happy. But I detected, no matter I do unfold gentle and positive one side how vigorously, Zhao Congbing an always depressed appearance. Evening, when I like the cat which is only injured, rolls up seeks the caress when the Zhao Congbing bosom, Zhao Congbing actually to my hope indifferently to extremely. A day night, I really am unable to endure with Zhao Congbing being strange bedfellows, puts on clothes, runs in the cold night to be choked with tears. That moment, accompanies except a turn of bright moon, in the world all all low-spirited does not have the light hardly to be indifferent. Falls into the painful all of a sudden from the happy summit peak the abyss, my inner world nearly collapsed. After in 2002 Spring Festival, I strove for to go to Guangzhou to make the interview the opportunity. I want to let oneself and Zhao Congbing am all tranquil down, well thought how later Lu Gai will walk. Evening, when I walk in the Guangzhou time overflow on the color avenue, looked to takes along to the lover when supports tangled up, I can not help pull out the handset, wants to give in the family to make a phone call. But woman's self-respect, also enables me only to sink the gas to wait for Zhao Congbing to come the electricity on own initiative. Makes me despair, travels on official business in Guangzhou in a week, his news all does not have. When I sit in returns to Beijing when the white clouds which on the train, looks into the distance from a high place the window outer layer mountain range to be folding hills and high far drifts, I had a premonition, the happy positive image ebb tide sea water is same, is unable the imposing manner which prevents to me to go. Until by now, I only then recollected the intravenous drip which I and Zhao Congbing knew, once fell in love in each in the image pursued the warm memory. Knew when him, his just kept after school from the Beijing politics and law university graduation. One day, his good friend invites the university which he comes me to be at, makes the once a week routine lecture. But when he catches up with, only then detected because has not made the big area the circular, in classroom audience very few. At that time I and in class's schoolmate, muddleheaded temporarily are pulled by the director when listens to the guest. In order to invites for this outside teacher a face, lectures the conclusion when him, I go all out to applaud, show to respect. Then, I and Zhao Congbing had known, he once affectionately said to me: "That day on platform, when I saw you unscrupulously goes all out the applause when, move extremely. I thought at that time that, certainly must know this good girl, and lets her happy life." Once, I late at night two still in had been hitting an interview manuscript, unconsciously on was resting in front of the computer. When and so on the early morning wakes, detected oneself unexpectedly lies down in the bedding, but in front of the computer puts him to help me to hit the good clean draft, he self-ridiculed said: "You have also been fat, I all hugged am motionless you." I was moved have kissed many lips India in his nape of the neck place, shamed him to be unable to go to work, have to has invited a day-long leave. Our once that love also was romantic... ... When the train bang rumble marches forward, I each fall in love for the recollection and Zhao Congbing instantaneous and am excited the tears to scatter. Returns family's that day afternoon, I am frightened by a room bright breath. The furniture is spotless; Changes to the clothing of the new season clothes are drying in the sun expose to the sun in the balcony; I usually disorderly pile up the manuscript paper, the material, the publication neatly code put on the table; Even in living room quoin also a many trough branches and leaves luxuriant Brazilwood... ... After a while, Zhao Congbing got off work, after he entered the gate to see me, was still that vice- indifferent gentle appearance, kept mouth shut. Looks he enters the low-spirited facial expression which the kitchen prepares food, I also am unable to suppress the innermost feelings crazy feeling of being alone again, the link grasp him , tearfully said: "Clump of soldier, if you because of me and the Arab League idea matter, were unable to accept me again, I was allowed to leave you, I am willing for me to be frail and to readily believe paid the life the price... ... When I first time cheer for yours lecture, had found my life home to return to on your body. In leaves in front of this family, I want finally to tell you... ... I love you." Said, I whatever the tears picture opened the sluice gates the river water falls in torrents down. For a long time, Zhao Congbing only then silently rotates the body for a long time, closely hugs me in the bosom, that tremendous strength nearly enables me to pant for breath, he speaks haltingly said: "If loves you, I already walked." He bursts into tears tells mine, when knew I and after Arab League idea matter, he has plants the completely discouraged feeling, he once innumerable time had thought, goes to , the bar, the nightclub these recreation areas also natural indulges. "So long as I step out again a step, our marriage. Because, the man is easier than the woman to receive the enticement, but my gram trigged." I defend stubbornly the love for his reason and that share the firm move to result in the great pain and grief, we support weep bitterly, that moment, livelihood and we with tear... ... Then, in the recollection and in the confession tears which lives to the past, we gooded friends as at first. Passes through marital a section of bogs place, present I, even more treasures with husband's sentiment. Whenever the night, a moonlight penetrates in the balcony the tendrils vine's floral leaf to illuminate comes in, maps when is exuding gas of on the delicate fragrance bunk, I am relying on Zhao Congbing the broad chest, the general meeting silently grateful Heaven: My He Dehe can, be able to have so good and the simple and honorable spouse, I can feel grateful for a lifetime he to use the life the pure running water to scrub on my body filthiness, lets me henceforth change strong and the self-respect.